I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
