You just made me feel so damn special
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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