is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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