dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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