This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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