why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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