whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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