I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
