Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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