I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Are my feet made of real feet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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