i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
