he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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