Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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