I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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