one might say we're banned from that church
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
