I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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