We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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