I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
