I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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