I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
