How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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