dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
