Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
