My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
