i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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