I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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