gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
