i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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