Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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