I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
