haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
