You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
