you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
