Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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