I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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