I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
