I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
