Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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