I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
