I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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