home. puking in laundry basket.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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