he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
