Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.

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(806): my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar. http://tfl.nu/xuyq

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(701): View more from North Dakota

that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

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(701): that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon http://tfl.nu/7qfo

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(979): View more from Texas

we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?

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(979): we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us? http://tfl.nu/rk36

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(251): View more from Alabama

The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!

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(251): The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?! http://tfl.nu/t0yf

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.

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(519): I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid. http://tfl.nu/7asr

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

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(610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt

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(514): View more from Quebec

I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels

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(514): I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels http://tfl.nu/u0pv

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

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(814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.

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(715): So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room. http://tfl.nu/stph

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(519): View more from Ontario

Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet

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(519): Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet http://tfl.nu/qweh

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(315): View more from New York

That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?

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(315): That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad? http://tfl.nu/bcm2

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(845): View more from New York

Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.

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(845): Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored. http://tfl.nu/hxpc

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude

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(609): I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude http://tfl.nu/hndb

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(607): View more from New York

I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.

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(607): I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year. http://tfl.nu/ajj5

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard

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(610): I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard http://tfl.nu/mt5d

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