I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
