haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
