just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
