so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
