can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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