Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Help. Why am I so naked?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
