I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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