I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
