I will die if light touches me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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