Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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