Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
