it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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