Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
