Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
