you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
