I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
