can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
