just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
