this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
