my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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